WE ARE......CHARGERS!

Last night was our first "real" home basketball game. We LOVE Charger basketball. We are good friends with the coaches and their families, Ryan keeps stats, Allysa is a cheerleader, I sit with coaches wives during the games....we know the players and their families.....its a lifestyle in a small rural community. Hoosiers was, after all, filmed just a few short miles down the road and could easily represent many small high schools throughout Indiana.

This year has seemed different for a while now, with Allyson having graduated, it seems as though I don't necessarily recognize as many kids as I used to. Allysa is now a freshman and we're starting all over again in that realm, however it almost still seems new.

Charger Basketball is no different, we graduated 4 senior starters last year, GOOD players......REALLY GOOD players. These guys had played together for a long time and honestly, watching them play was like watching a well oiled machine. That Charger basketball team....they just knew where each other would be on the court, they read each other so well they just got it done week after week. They were so much fun to watch. The question on every ones mind is what would we look like now? How were our remaining players going to step up, what were our new players going to bring to the game? Would everyone fall into sync and create a new year of Charger basketball?

We opened last night with a tough game for our JV guys, eventually losing to our county rival in what was a close game at one point. I couldn't help but notice however, as the JV got closer to an end....our stands kept filling up, our student section kept growing and growing.....our pep block was huge, this has been missing from Charger basketball for a few years, I couldn't wait to see what the kids had come up with. They were awesome, there are flyer's all over the school telling the kids what the theme is for each weeks game. Last night was "ultimate fan" night. Let me just say there were (as usual) some boys in some really tight old basketball uniforms with crazy looks going on, but they truly were the "ultimate fans" during the game. They were loud, but respectful. They actually cheered with the cheerleaders. If I didn't know better, I'd say they might actually be trying for a spirit award this year! I can't wait to see what the rest of the year brings for them, its awesome for the team and the crowd loves it.

With Allysa cheering this year, I find myself torn between watching the game on the court and watching her on the side of the court. Allysa loves to cheer, she's a flyer. This has never bothered me.....ever, even having been dropped in middle school, I've never worried about her flying. She has great bases, they work together a lot, I know these girls know what they are doing. During football, I never once worried about her in the air....and yet suddenly, here we are on the hardwoods, and for the first time ever, I find myself holding my breath when she goes "up"......I can't take my eyes off of her til she's on the ground. I know its because of the hardwoods. I know those floors aren't giving if she falls, she's bouncing, not them. Our doctor told us earlier this year as he was doing her sports physical, there are more injuries in cheerleading than all other sports, combined! Suddenly I hear his statement every time she flies. I know shes fine, I know the girls are all good.....just a new aspect of Charger Basketball for me to adjust to.

We won! After all the wonder, the speculation, the "whats it gonna be like" with all our kids gone and newbies in place. We won! We beat our county rival, South. They're not quite the well oiled machine yet, but they were definitely working as a team and will continue to improve no doubt. As a family, we're excited to see our good friend Cody playing this year. He's a great kid who has always played football and baseball. He's HUGE! We know he's gonna be a good contributor inside and if we can just get him to take those shots, he'll enjoy the same success he does on both the football and baseball fields! Great game Cody, we love watching you play!

Tonight we head to Fountain Central to play. I feel like I breathed a sigh of relief last night after finally seeing it all come together at our home court. I can't wait to watch the rest of the season unfold for the Chargers.

What have you been questioning lately? Whats changing in your life that you aren't quite sure what the outcome will be? As you watch it unfold and take it all in, don't forget to enjoy the changes, you might just be surprised at the new enjoyment it will bring.

Charger Up!
Polly :)

I'm back.....maybe.

For months now, many have asked about my blog and my intentions to get back to it.
I have mixed emotions about blogging again.

First let me say, I love to blog. Writing is a great release for me and something I really enjoy. I'm a write first, re-read an delete kind of person. Sometimes just writing out what I would love to say but would never consider sending makes things better for me. I get a clearer perspective, I even sometimes realize a different stand than I may have first taken on an issue. I love to write.

Therein lies part of the issue for me internally with restarting my blog. Those of you who read my blog regularly know, I blog about my family and our lives. The real stuff. Typically easy going, funny and sometimes great stuff. I don't however usually blog about the hard stuff....the rough stuff in life, first because I tend to be a private person with the tough stuff, never wanting to bother others, but secondly because I write my blog myself and those in it don't tend to get a say in the publication, so writing about the tough stuff involving others isn't necessarily fair I feel.

Unfortunately, that's where our lives have been for the past 6 months.....full of tough stuff. Nothing good to blog about and nothing I want to share with others. I've considered changing my perspective on how I blog and even revamping the blog....but I can't its not how I write, its not who I am.

Our lives have changed considerably in the past 6 months, almost devastatingly so. Its fair to say almost every aspect of our lives have been affected....including my blog. I can't say I'm coming back for good.....but I can say we're trying to create a new "normal" around here....and I will try to somehow include the blog in that.

I know I've been holding back on my blog......what do you find yourself holding back on today, is it one of the things you find therapeutic and brings you joy? Reevaluation might help put it all into perspective.

Till I blog again,
Polly

They say it's your Birthday..............

Today was Allysa's 14th birthday.....amazing, 14! Where has the time gone...literally? It has been harder on me this year realizing that Allysa is going to be a freshman next year and Alizabeth a 6th grader than it has Allyson is going to be a freshman in college. Doesn't make sense, but it's true.

We had a lot of fun today. I took Allysa and Joey to Climb Time, and indoor rock climbing facility in Indianapolis. They have both done rock walls before and hiked in state and national parks, but this was their first true indoor climbing lesson and session. It was really fun to watch them listen to the instructor as he explained how they would not only climb themselves, but rely on each other as they climbed, and likewise how they would literally be holding their partners life as they climbed. As they were going through this, it occurred to me that this was a good life lesson in trust, faith and relying on others. If you are someone who has an issue with trust....or even an issue relying on others for support and help, I highly suggest climbing as a hobby, while you can certainly free climb on your own, you have to have a partner or a "belayer" that not only monitors you while you climb but brings you down safely from you climb when you've reached your summit. I got so much more than I bargained for out of this little adventure today.....not only did they have a great time, but they got an amazing lesson in faith and trust that they probably didn't even realize they were "learning" anything! lol

As I got more than I bargained for in this fun adventure today, I was glad I "saw" the lesson I hadn't planned on. What are you getting more than you bargain for in life right now....do you even realize it?

God gives us so much more than we bargain for everyday.....eternal life and the price of admission.....a personal relationship with him.

Get more than you bargain for today.....in areas you'd never imagine.

P

It's Birthday Season

Yep....Birthday season. You see, we have three daughters, and their birthdays are, in order of birth, and every 2 1/2 weeks starting May 22, running through July 2....and you follow mine 5 days later on July 7...and well, its definitely a "season" for us!

Allyson turned 18 this year and her birthday happened to be May 22, the day before graduation. Ally decided she wanted to celebrate her birthday in conjunction with her Graduation Open House thinking she would never again have two such large life events in one weekend! I think it went well although she was bummed that turning 18 was obviously overshadowed by graduation! Never fear though....true is the group of friends who all grab you at slightly after midnight....ID's in hand and take you to the gas station to do your first official duty as an 18 year old adult....they buy lottery tickets! I have to tell you, the girls were incredibly incensed when the nice girl behind the counter meerly asked....."are you 18"....and didnt ask for ID!!! And the icing on the "cupcakes"....daddy produced that infamous blue bag....yep....TIFFANY & Co....she was thrilled and shocked all at the same time, she didnt know 'ol dad had it in him!

Allysa turns 14 tomorrow. I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to stop saying......"yes.....she's only 13" You should know.....Allysa is a pageant girl and working hard to get into the modeling field so she constantly looks MUCH older than 13 and while 14's not much better.....its another year under her belt!!! She of course see's 14 as one year closer to her license, a job and freedom! She'll be a freshman in the fall and at only just now 14, she's one of the youngest in her class....most of her classmates are taking drivers ed this summer and some even start getting their licenses this year. One of these days she'll realize....what....another birthday? I dont' want to age anymore!!! Allysa's our easy kid to shop for.....she loves clothes, shoes, jewelry, you name it, she's gonna love it!

Lizzie turns 12 on July 2. She's our baby....however she's our mini-mom. I'm constantly having to say to Lizzie....."how bout you be the 11 yr old today and I'll be the mommy". Lizzies our brain....incredibly organized, her mind never shuts down....she's always thinking of other peoples schedules and who needs to be where when.....although humerous it can be slightly annoying some days....I have to remind her to be a child and enjoy it while she can most days, when all she wants to do is keep up with her big sisters. Lizzie will start Middle School in the fall and I just can't believe she's only 7 years from graduation. This year Lizzie wants a cell phone for her birthday....yep....a cell phone! Now...most of her friends already have them, but we've held off as long as possible for this one....she's asked for the past year probably and we laugh that she'd have probably gotten one for Christmas had she not asked for the Ipod instead!!! A cell phone....wow! I can't remember what I got for my birthday at 12....but I'm certain it wasn't nearly as cool as a cell phone!

We love birthdays in our family......they are a BIG deal and a family tradition I hope my girls carry on into their own families someday. I've always done big parties for my girls since they were little.....and the older they get....the harder it gets to be as creative or exciting as it was when all they wanted was a barbie cake and a skating party! I have something fun and definitely out of the ordinary for Allysa tomorrow, and Lizzie is already busy planning her big day....looking like a day at the bowling alley with a few of her closest friends will be in our future!

What traditions does your family keep up with.....what have you started and carried on from past generations that you hope your kids will carry on to their own families some day? It's never to late to start a tradition.

Birthday celebrations are something I hope are part of my legacy to my children.....what's yours?

The convenience factor

I know its been forever since I blogged....and honestly today's blog is out of guilt as so many of my friends have commented on missing my blog, but I knew I needed to get back at it as writing is one of my favorite (and easiest) ways of self expression!

So honestly, here's what happened with the blog......my convenience to blog was taken away! Yep, that's right, taken away. And quite frankly, we are a society of convenience....think about it. We can pretty much get anything we want through a drive-up or ordering it online to be delivered! If I had my way, I'd order my groceries to be delivered as well and never have to fight the crowd! Most days, if I'm out and about and want something to drink.....I'm looking for the closest drive-thru. I even have a drive-up dry cleaner! My prescriptions come through a window, my banking comes down a little tube....if I even have to go to the bank because of course all of our banking is direct deposit or online! And my blogging.....well, my blogging was done from the comfort of my own couch, on my laptop, snug and content in my own little home. So what changed? I had to give back my laptop! YEP....give it back! Long story short, it was a company laptop and they finally decided to reimburse me rather than allow me to keep this luxury as I had been downsized! Now....along with giving back this luxury came the promise of a new one....however, here I am still 2 1/2 months later....laptopless....typing away at the inconvenience of the PC (yes.....we are PCs, not macs!)at the desk in the office! Three whole rooms away from the convenience and comfort of my couch!!! The craziness of it all....it seems almost barbaric quite frankly......I feel so antiquated....embarrassed really, having to type on a keyboard connected to a CPU while looking at a monitor and not using the sleekness and compact convenience provided for in my laptop.......appalling really!

It's amazing how not having my laptop has affected my life....and probably for the better my husband would say! It seems so inconvenient to sit down at the desk most days that I have almost kicked my Facebook addiction!!! I KNOW.....crazy huh? I don't' waste my day away looking for treasured "wins" on eBay and I've gotten so terrible at checking my email people are actually calling me on the TELEPHONE to make sure I know whats going on in the outside world!!! STOP THE MADNESS!!!

So there you have it........it has been "inconvenient" for me to blog! It seems so crazy as I type this to admit this really is THE reason I haven't blogged for so long. I LOVE to blog.....writing is a release for me, very enjoyable and I can literally get lost in my writing....but I gave all that pleasure up just because society tells me I should not have to get off of my couch, out of my car or have human contact for anything these days! Sad....very very sad. So today is my new leaf! I am blogging again.....from the inconvenience of the office chair three rooms away from my fabulous suede couch and TV hanging from the wall.....(because it was inconveniently in the way on the sofa table it's prior self sat on!)

What enjoyment have you denied yourself lately because society says you shouldn't have to do anything that's not "convenient" for you? Get off the couch and bust out.....today's the day!

I'm off to grocery shop......in a real store!

P

Where has the time gone?

So, honestly, I realized its been a while since I last blogged, but I didnt realize it had been a month!!! Wow.....where did the time go. Life has seemed like that a lot lately. Where did the time go? This past weeked our Varsity Boys Basketball team played in the regionals, first game, 10am, an hour and a half away! We won our first game and before I knew it the second game was over, we lost, our Senior was crying her eyes out for her last season of High School to be over and on the drive home I remember sadly thinking......I can't believe the day is over already, it seemed like I had just gotten up.

Spring Break is just around the corner for us. Every year we take an extended vacation leaving two days early and taking a 9 day trip..............because the 7 days they give us isnt enough for us! We always want more, don't we? As I think about this, I know it will be here and gone before I know it.

When we get home, it will just be 42 days then 'til graduation! Yep, Graduation! Allyson has finally decided on Butler, Pre-Med..........at least for the week. It is for sure Butler, this much we know and I gotta say, having her just an hour away is more than appealing to me!

They say time flies when you're having fun, well we must be having a ball because it really does just seem like yesterday that she was born, and now she's off to college. Don't blink because when you look next, they're grown and off on their own.

Life really does fly by without me noticing some days. What are you to busy to notice right now? Does work, home or just "life" in general have you missing the important things? Take time, smell those roses, leave early for that soccer game and for goodness sake, your house will still be there to clean when your kids are grown!

Have a great day......and remember what it entailed at the end of the day! :)

Miss Valentine

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New Colors

Yeah! Ok, so really, I'm not always gonna do the whole holiday color thing, but this was the first thing I saw when went to do a new background! Cute, huh!

It makes me think of spring, all bright and cheery.

P

Misplaced anger

Why do we hurt those who love us the most? This morning one of my girls "yelled" back at me when I called to her for something. I know that yell....it was quiet as could be around here, nothing going on and yet as all was seemingly peaceful, instead of simply replying...."what"?, she yelled. Now, I've seen it before and heard it more than I care to remember, I know she's got something else going on thats got her upset, and I'm the one whos getting the brundt of it. When I said...."Whoa.....whats going on, you don't respond to me like that, she gave the quick "nothing" which of course means "nothing you need to know about, just leave me alone!" I made sure she knew that talking to me like that was not at all acceptable and that I did indeed know something else was going on, even if she didnt care to share it with me at that point.......and if indeed she truly was just "tired" she needed to get over it and be nice!

This situation made me think about all the times I am guilty of taking things out of those I love the most. When I have a bad day, my family are the ones who get a grumpy mom and wife for the evening, even though they had nothing to do with my bad day. I can tell when Ryans having a bad time with customers or work in general and am quick to point out that we are not his sourse of discontent and should therefore not be the ones receiving the grouchiness! We are all guilty of taking our frustrations out on the wrong people and I work really hard to be cognizant of it so as not to hurt others, but it still happens.

Whats got you frustrated and downright mad right now......are you taking that out on your spouse or kids? Remember those who love us the most aren't the ones we should attack the most, they're the ones we should drop all that for and relax with, they love us!

I'm working on it.....

Formal Scrapbook

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Stomping Mad!

I am so mad right now I can feel my heart racing!!!

About 2 weeks ago a man from our electric Co-op knocked on the door to inform me that he was marking one tree to be cut down and two bushes to be trimmed back and that crews would be out sometime within the month to do the work. Quite frankly I was on the phone at the time and thought ok....one tree and a couple bushes cut back, fine.

Later in the day I got to thinking about it and went a looked at what was marked, well the tree was a large shade tree, and the bushes were just shrubbery, but this was really bugging me, they just get to tell me what their cutting and we have no say in the matter?!? Hows that work? Soooo....I have a friend who works at the Coop, I emailed her and asked who I could talk to. She of course did her duty and explained to me how cutting back our trees allowed them to provide better service to our neighbors on down the road.....blah blah blah..(no offense Nat!) but she really didn't know what could be done otherwise.

Now....I should tell you, we live on two acres, with ALOT of very mature trees, 12 in our front yard alone that I can see. They provide TONS of shade in the summer time and also are home to lots of little creatures. OK.....so of those twelve, why am I freaking out about one? Well....you take out one shade tree and up goes my air-conditioning in the summer. Not to mention....they don't replant when they cut anything down....not that I expect them to replant in the same area only to grow in the way of their power lines, however we have two acres......lots of area to replant for the environment.

So a little while ago I hear chainsaws humming outside. I go out to find their not cutting out one tree....they've already cut two down and have'nt even gotten to the original one that was marked for cutting!!!! Are you kidding me? And as for "trimming" two bushes....whatever.....they've "trimmed" half of another tree away, and are cutting things that have not been marked. Now....as I read on the websight.....they contract the tree trimming out. Well all they do is mark a "dot" "dash" or "x" on things that need work. Well my question is......how do they know what to trim? They are "trimming" things that are not only no where near the power lines, but things that aren't in danger of taking out the power lines should they fall!!!! I am so mad I could spit....(lady like I know!)And to make it all worse, the workers don't speak english....or are smart enought to pretend not to because I'm sure they're scared of the crazy lady mad in her yard!!! So I can't even question why things are getting cut that I don't feel should be! As I type I am watching a man looking up our HUGE pine tree....you know, one of those OLD OLD pines that isn't exactly tall enough to be the Rockefeller tree.....but at least 2nd runner up, it's marked to be "cut back" I have a feeling they are going to totally ruin this tree and its one of our major shades in the front area!!! Who knew you could get so worked up over trees!!! The more I type the madder I'm getting!!!

I know logically while I am concerned about the trees and our shade and environment....I'm more ticked that they can just "tell" me they are doing this. They didn't pay for this property, its not theirs to do with as they please.....and quite frankly they put their utility poles on my land rent free while charging me for my power! Don't worry, I know I sound ridiculously irrational right now, but I really do know the logic in all of this. And god love the man I'm watching work WAY HIGH up in my trees, because God forgive me but I'm thinking evil thoughts about him falling! Terrible I know.....and he's meerly the messanger, but he's all I got right now!!!

Not really sure how I'm gonna get over this one, but just know if you're headed towards Darlington on 47N, as you get to Overcoat Rd, your gonna have an even clearer view strait into our living room at night.....I should warn you ahead of time.....we are "COMFORTABLE" in our own home.....don't complain to me if the new view "hurts" your eyes!!! lol

What a weekend!

I know its been to long since I bloggd, but with Allyson recuperating from surgery and the other girls busy with any number of activities, there really hasn't been time. Ally is still home today and hoping for to try a half day tomorrow. We'd really hope for her to go back last Friday since she really wanted to go to the bball game, but no such luck. We did get permission from the principle for us to take her to the game and for her to sit with us and not the team, but she quickly realized it was all to much for her....she spent the weekend recuping from that one trip!

Saturday night Ryan took me to my favorite place for dinner for Valentines Day. We went to Sullivans and had an AWESOME dinner. Now yes, I realize Valentines is THIS weekend, not last, however Ryan leaves Wednesday for his annual Presidents Day golf weekend with 15 of his closest buddies....SOOOO, I'm always a golf widow for Valentines Day. Most of you know though, I LOVE to golf, so I'd totally leave him for a trip like this! lol, its a win win! It was definitely worth it, Ryan surprised me with Diamond earrings that night!!!! I'm not kidding, TOTALLY surprised me, I had no idea. What a sweet guy, he spoils me totally, and i LOVE it! God has truly blessed me.

Sunday Ryan gave his testimony at church and that was very moving for me to hear. Obviously I knew the story he was sharing....we lived it, but I really could never has imagined he would share it, Pastor Terry has an amazing ability to get people to do things you'd never think they'd do!!! lol ON a funny note, he did make some pretty funny faces and while he certainly go crowd laughter, Allysa said "oh geez" and turned the other way!!!

Allysa had lessons yesterday afternoon with her pageant coach and we talked about some upcoming opportunities for her......could be exciting news, stay tuned!

Flock last night I got to hold little baby Henry all night and LOVED every minute of it! We have two fairly new babies in our flock with another due in April....it really is a little slice of heaven on earth! I love it!

So....thats our craziness in a nutshell. I love weekends that are fun and exciting. Hope yours was good too!

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Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Long Weekend

For the past several years I have wanted another baby. My girls think I am crazy, and Ryan just keeps reminding me we are on an 7 year plan....(7 years and they're all gone....to college at least!) None of that matters to me, we are very young parents and have plenty of time left in our lives to raise more children! Well, this weekend probably brought me one step closer to realizing I probably really don't want any more sweet babies! lol

Ally's surgery went well on Friday but poor thing has had a hard recovery weekend. In all fairness, Dr. Sajeri warned us it would be a tough weekend and as a surgeon who has performed hundres of these surgeries he was right on the mark! Friday was really tough, Ally couldn't get comfortable for anything.....the anesthesia was really taking its toll on her and the pain meds can't really help that kind of pain. Grammy came over for a couple of hours to try and get her mind off the pain and then Allys best friend showed up with movies for another couple hours of comedy relief, I thank God for them both, they really helped! Probably the hardest thing on us all was that Ally's bedroom is upstairs and everything else is on the main floor of the house, I don't know if I've ever climbed those stairs so many times in one day! I got such a work out that I woke up crying in pain with muscle cramps in my calves during the middle of the night.....I've been taking muscle relaxers since! With the exception of 3am feedings, it almost was like having a new born in the house.....she needed something every 15 minutes.....or she didn't want anyone around at all! She was in extreme pain.....or sleeping like a log (thank god!) It was very humbling as a mother to have that "you can't control this" moment. I felt helpless a couple of times and wanted to cry for her. Saturday brought slight relief but still pain and frustration. Sunday marked day three....and true to form, the worst day, last night she was very teary and again a phone call from grammy got her to motivate, take a shower, wash her hair and try to feel a little closer to normal! Thank God for Grammy! Grammy was involved in an accident a couple of years ago and suffered a fractured skull and brain injury, so when she tells Ally she's gonna have to push herself and just do things she doesnt feel like she can...Grammy knows! She's been there. Ally ackknowledges that and complied!

Its frustrating when our kids are in pain and we can't do anything about it. I'm a problem solver too....so for me to not be able to fix this for her is very frustratin to me. I've just had to give it to god and know that he has a plan. I'm even more convinced of this as I consider that having just been downsized in December it is no coincidence that is was January before Ally became so sick....God knew I was going to need to be home all of January as the Dr's figured out what was wrong with her and in February for her recovery.....God is good. As tough as it's been to have to watch her hurt, it is all that much more comforting to know that God gave me what I needed to be home taking care of her during this time.

As Ally and I begin the week, hoping to get her out of her room and downstairs for a little tv time today, what trial does it seem gods put in your life that is perhaps just setting you up to take care of other things in life? While we don't always have that direct line to know what God is thinking, if we just put our faith in him, he makes himself evident in all areas of our lives.

Have a great day!

Surgery was Successful

We're home, actually have been since shortly after 11am this morning. Everything went really well and Dr. said their were significant signs of chronic inflamation with lesions, so it was definitely our best course of action. God is good.

Ally has been resting since we got home been up a couple of times for potty breaks and feeling some significant pain, I think her biggest pain came in big crocodile tears a few moments ago when she sobbed to me that she didn't want to miss the Charger game tonight! She loves her boys and hates being gone, I also think she is so ready to get back to normal life that she's just "over it" at this point. The Dr told us it will be 6-8 weeks before she can eat any dairy products, milk yogurt or cheese....which as a vegetarian is half of her diet! She has had a few bites of dry toast today and also 3-4 mini nilla wafers....sad.....but more than she's had in a LONG time!

Praying for comfort and patience for us all during the weekend...its her first time being a patient and she's not liking it one bit.

P

Surgery Today

It's 5:35ish....and we're almost ready to leave for the surgery center. Our oldest daughter, Allyson, is having her gall-bladder out this morning. It's been a rough 3 1/2 weeks of non-stop vomitting and frustration. We are grateful the Dr's were able to discover what was wrong with her so quickly, but we will be even more glad when this is all over and she is on the road to recovery!

Pray for Ally this morning, she's nervous and needs Gods calming reassurance that everything is in his hands.

Will update later as they say we will be home by lunchtime!

P

Heart Ache....

Last night I could not figure out what Lizzie was doing, but it sounded like a heard of cattle running through the house! As I was getting up to see what was wrong (it honestly sounded like someone has fallen down the entire stair set rolling from top to bottom!) Lizzie came rushing into the kitchen in a furry, grabbing a baggie and the rice and talking in such a blur it took me a minute to realize the was in tears sobbing that she had accidentally washed her ipod. I quickly scolded her and reminded her that this is the reason I am constantly reminding her to put her things where they belong. Lizzie has seen the cell phone trick of putting them in rice if they've been in water to try and dry them out....as she's getting this all together Ryan finds out she has already tried to turn her ipod on and begins yelling at her that she should know better, you can't try to turn it on....etc. She's now sobbing at loud crocodile tear level and really pretty devastated at this point. She rushes off to her room in a sad huff.

Lizzie is a very bright child.....to smart for her own good most days. Unfortunately since she's so smart, we tend to forget she really is only 11. My heart was quickly being convicted for yelling at her, yes, she does do her own laundry (all my girls do!) still....she is only 11, accidents do happen! I said to Ryan, frustrated that he had yelled at her also, should she REALLY know not to turn her IPOD on.....she is only 11!!! We are both guilty of thinking she is older than she really is because as the "baby" she constantly is trying to keep up with her older sisters....she is an awesome cook (yep...at only 11!) she does her own laundry, she's an excellent student, an awesome soccer player and she has a heart of gold. And yet her heart is broken that she may have ruined her own prized IPOD.

Lizzie just got her IPOD for Christmas. She LOVES it. She takes it everywhere with her and loves to add new songs to it. She just forgets to put it up, take it out of her sweatshirt pocket, last week she left it at school in the gym! It's not even that she's not appreciative of her things, she is....as a matter of fact, she's probably the most thankful child we have....not that the other two aren't thankful, Lizzie just really shows her appreciation to to others.

Now I'm torn....the Ipod is still sitting in rice, Lizzie was so heartbroken last night she sobbed for what seemed like hours. Her sisters each went and talked with her and were themselves sad when they saw how sad she truly was! She even asked me to come sing lullabies to her as she tried to get to sleep!.....and I DID!!!

The mom in me wants to just rush right out to walmart, buy her a new one and load all her music while she's at school! I know that's not the answer. I know this is a hard lesson that has to be learned in life. I know that this is one of those "this is why I tell you to put your things up" lessons in life. Man those stink. As moms we want to protect our children from moments like these in life.....and I tried. Unfortunately this is what happens when you don't listen to what your parents are trying to tell you.

What is someone trying to save you from right now and you feel as though your immune to the lesson? Our heavenly father tries daily to remind us to make him the ultimate teacher in our lives and yet much like Lizzie thinks I'm just mom nagging....so do we forget to listen to our heavenly father. Lizzie has learned a very hard lesson. I'm still praying the Ipod will work when she tries to turn it on tonight.

Life is Good

Ryan and I are looking at new Washers. Fun huh? We are the unfortunate owners of the Sears Kenmore Elite Calypso washer and dryer. There have been so many problems with this set that there was a class action suit against Sears that for some reason (I really can't remember) we decided not to get signed on for at the time....we're certainly wishing we had now...we've had the washer worked on so many times its not worth the price having it fixed again and had we joined this action, we'd have had it replaced with a new set for free.....what were we thinking??? At any rate, as we shopped online last night, I told Ryan I wanted an LG....now honestly, I really don't know anything about this brand and it looks just like the other sets....but their logo...LG, really stands for Life is Good. I want everything in my house to have the LG logo on it....so that no matter what we look at we are constantly reminded, LIFE IS GOOD!

I've had sick kiddos for three weeks now and by the end of last week it was really starting to get old! Colds, the flu, vomiting, sore throats, non working gall bladder, pulled muscle and crutches from cheer injury....I was sick of it! I finally sent my sore throats to school and told my crutches girlie that Friday was her last night on them...she was either walking or sitting on Saturday, but I was sick of looking at those crutches! And then......as I watched an episode of John and Kate +8....they were at St. Judes, I was quickly reminded how truly LIFE IS GOOD. My girls have been "sick"...but they haven't been fighting for their lives. They haven't had IV's with chemicals running through their veins to keep the cancer at bay....they don't have big machines with tubes breathing for them, while on crutches, they will certainly walk again and not have to relearn how to. LIFE IS GOOD.

Most people know I stress about schedules....I'm not really a spur of the moment kind of person. I'm sure that comes from years of traveling for work and having a family. While I can certainly leave in a pretty quick fashion, I still have to "plan" for things, like "who has what and when this week", what is Ryans work schedule....you know, logistics, who can get who where and when, will someone be able to pick everyone up type of things. We'll as I'm planning our day Saturday and trying to figure out a schedule for one of our daughters who isn't going to be with us....a friend is experiencing a tragedy in her family. WOW....in the midst of all she has going on, she's also worrying about my daughter and making sure she's not left alone when she could have had plans....I was sad that at this tough tough moment for her, she felt like she needed to worry about our daughter as well. Knowing what she was suddenly faced with, my schedule was nothing...I hit my knees praying for her and thanked god for the reminder "LIFE IS GOOD". Nothing I was worrying about at that moment could begin to compare.

As we sat in our flock group last night (small group at church) and I listened to the prayer requests, including our own for Allyson as we have a consult for her gall bladder surgery, I was still quietly and humbly reminded..."LIFE IS GOOD". Allyson will certainly recover, but I listened to things like our friends facing Alzheimer's progression with their mother, family strife of another, extreme sickness of a friend who has a brand new baby at home, long term recovery of a mom who is still in a drug induced coma, I humbly thanked god that our "LIFE IS GOOD"

Several weeks ago during church, Pastor Terry related a story of two friends, one of whom replied to any and all situations, "this is good". It was a great story. Our family has since adopted this saying and honestly have just realized that most things are truly out of our control and while we may not know why at the time, instead of stressing, we might as well adopt the attitude..."this is good". It really does help to keep my stress level down and even more importantly, it reminds me to just give it all to God and give all the glory to him.

It's Monday, do you already have a laundry list going for the week? Is the stress already mounting as you are faced with another week? It might be a little easier to face if you can simply remember, LIFE IS GOOD....and when it gets to be to much, just give it all to god.

Life is good.

Girlie blog!

Ok....so the blog page went kind of girlie today! I try to keep it neutral for Ryans sake...he is surrounded by girls, we joke he lives in a sorority house! (we even have a girl dog!) However, I stumbled across a blog background page and couldn't help myself. My family knows I decorate for EVERY holiday! There are hearts everywhere in this house right now....and I love it! Soooo....we'll try the girlie thing til V-day is over, the colors are kinda bright so we'll see how long I last, but it is fun! Simple pleasures in life! :P

Hope your day is simple and full of pleasure.

Control Freak.......

I guess it could be said I'm kind of a control freak. Wow....that sounds harsh when said out loud (or in print!). But if I'm being honest....I do like being in control. Again....I've worked in management for a long time and also been a consultant....control!

Sooooo.....the last two weeks god has set out to remind me.....I AM NOT IN CONTROL! He is, and everything happens in his time, his way and I have to just sit back and wait for his answers.

Two weeks ago yesterday, Allyson (our oldest) started throwing up anything and everything she tries to consume. Today is day 15....and I'm feeling completely helpless as a mom. Ally missed 5 days of school, went back for one day and then got lucky that we had two snow days she was able to sleep and try to recoup. She literally can only eat dry toast at this point. She was able to eat white rice for a few days and then it started making her nauseous again too! We went to the Dr on day 3 and tried a reflux drug and anti nausea med. We have had an ultra sound of her gall bladder, another round of meds...and one more day of school....yep today made day 3 in the last 11 she's been to school! Luckily two snow days help also! So yesterday finally we had our last test....nuclear medicine test, took two hours and an IV (which she hates!) and first thing this morning the nurse called me with the GOOD (bad) news!!! Allysons ejection fractions from her gall bladder is only functioning at 4%!!!! OK....so what I just said was....when you eat a fatty meal, your gall bladder "squeezes" out bile to break down all the fatty foods you've just eaten, it's processed and moved on through the stomach....when its not "squeezing" your body gets sick from the fat and either gets rid of it (throw up!) or you just remain nauseous...yuck! Now....as Ryan and Alizabeth asked...why does it work if you remove it. WELL....as long as the gall bladder is in the body...the body tries to make it work and do its job....as soon as they remove it, the body realizes and starts over compensating for the loss and learns to break down fatty foods without it! I was in tears, so excited, thanking God that the answer to this all was surgery for my baby. Sounds crazy I know....but my biggest fear was this test would show nothing and we would be back to square one.

At one point last night I looked at Allyson and she was near tears! Although I knew...I asked what was wrong, she gave me the most pathetic look with tears in her eyes and said "I just want to eat!" I felt hopeless. I can't do anything to take this away, make it better or even minimize it really....she has had nothing but a few pieces of toast, some white rice some plain animal crackers and a boca burger for the last 15 days! OK...yes I said boca burger. So last night I finally looked at her and said....so eat! She wanted a boca burger...which of course made me chuckle...this poor kid hasn't eaten in two weeks and the only thing she can come up with is a SOY burger!!! :P So I said....go ahead and eat it! Whats the worse thing that will happen, you get sick...oh well, everything makes you sick, you could enjoy it for just a few minutes if nothing else! So....she did have the boca burger...and 12 minutes later returned from having thrown it all up in the bathroom!!! :( She couldn't keep food down for a mere 15 minutes.)

We have an appointment next Tuesday, Jan 27 for a consult with a local surgeon. I'm mom, so of course I'm hoping by next Friday we can have this thing out....we'll see how soon they can get her in. She's not happy at all about surgery and is pretty scared actually, but so ready to eat she's happy for the outcome.

In the midst of all of this, Allysa and Alizabeth have both had colds and missed a few days of school, Ryan pulled a muscle in his neck/back and missed a day of work. AND if that's not enough, Allysa called me tonight, during warm-ups before the bball game tonight, girls who do not usually base her in cheer dropped her out of a stunt and she landed square on her hip and hurt her knee also. NO....I'm not kidding! She is now on crutches and hopping around or being carried by big papa!

Again though, I was SO thankful to God today....as crazy as it all seems and in such a different manner than most would think....he really did answer our prayers and provide a solution. GOD IS GOOD.

When I opened my bible to find scripture to add......I literally opened to the story of the Canaanite Woman. A woman was so desperate for her sick child that she risked her life, a Canaanites speaking to a Jew....longtime enemies.

Then Jesus answered, "Woman you have great faith! Your request is granted." And her daughter was healed from that very hour. Matthew 15:28

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Trying to control these situations really did me no good, I know God has a plan, sometimes I just think I'll help him out! I laid it at the feet of the lord and he answered resoundingly.

What do you need to give to god? He answers prayers, not always in the way we think, but knowing Allyson needs to have this surgery was answered prayer.

My perfect scheduled life......HAAAHAAA!

Are you an early person or a late person? I am an early person...as a matter of fact I can't STAND being late!!! It literally gives me a panic attack, OK, probably not, but that's what if feels like to me. Honestly, I get panicked, nervous, tense and then just plain ticked off. I think its incredibly insensitive to be late to events. In my mind, if I'm late, it screams that I don't have any respect or regard for the person or organization holding the event.

I'm not even really sure where this OCD about time came from. My parent's were both timely people...the type of people who felt like they were late if they weren't at work a half an hour early every day, literally. They never really made a big deal of it, I don't even ever remember them talking about it, we were just always early or on time for everything we did.....and I like it that way!

I have a dear friend who is perpetually late for everything (and if she's reading my blog she knows who she is and that I love her eternally!) and it stresses me to no end.....that she's late! Now...honestly, why do I care if she's late? Well, a lot of times, she has one of my daughters with her so when she and the girls were 20 min late for the Jr. High Camp weekend and the bus was literally waiting on them to leave....it stressed me to anger. OK....so that was a big deal...making a load of others wait....that's a bit much. It's not usually like that. But...as I write, here I am tonight waiting on my daughter who led me to believe she'd be home by 5ish tonight after a shopping trip with this friend, it's almost 8pm. Mind you, my friend has already called me and apologized (she knows I stress about time!) and I know she never means to be late, and honestly....WE HAVE NOTHING GOING ON.....so why does this stress me out????? I have NO idea! I truly am OCD about this.

Ryan isn't necessarily the timeliest person on earth....again, not someone who intends to be late, just doesn't really stress over getting anywhere. Church mornings used to be a big stresser for me.....they've all figured that out and after lots of rough mornings, its all worked itself out! (we go to a later service!!!) I like being early to ballgames so I get the seat I want....my friends know I'm early so they call me to save them seats! I like being at sales early to get the items I'm seeking and yes, you guessed it, I am definitely a 4am morning after thanksgiving shopper. Mind you...I'm not a morning person, but I will definitely get up to save money. If a gathering, holiday party, etc says 7 to ?, I want to be there at 5 min til 7....that's what I think is polite!

I have no idea why I am so OCD about this. When we are "late" in my eyes....nothing happens, everything ends up fine, and I calm down, but I am so frustrated by the time we do get there that it takes me a while to relax. So whats the solution? I certainly don't see my self relaxing enough to be late to places, nor do I think that is the solution. I would however like to come to the realization that things do happen and it isn't the end of the world to be later than planned. I know my girlfriend never "plans" on being late for anything...nobody does, well....except those who've convinced themselves its fashionable to be late! So why does it stress me out so? It's something I'm working on this year, praying diligently about the solution, knowing that god will provide the answer......lets just hope he's on time with it!!!! haaahaaa

So what is your stresser? Are you OCD about it like I am.....and for no real reason? Give it to god and see what his plan is for the issue.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7.

House of Laughter, house of love

It seems as though we've been on a mini break again this week. We had a two hour delay Wednesday and were out Thursday and Friday. The girls have of course LOVED the time out of school, and I always welcome the company for my day. I do tend to get nothing done when they're home though....but that's OK!
We've watched a lot of movies, some good, some disgusting!

Allysa and I went shopping for her dress for the Winter Formal on Thursday....I've attached a picture, let me just say the theme is Vegas....and as soon as she saw this dress she screamed THAT says Vegas!!!

Poor Ally was sick the whole time so that was no fun for her, but it was comforting for her to be home not technically missing anymore days of school! Both older girls had Dr's appointments this week and it was nice to not have to take them out of school to do that...although I'm definitely not a parent who requests after school appointments, we go when its available and aren't picky!

Hannah and Allysa had an adventure to BW3 on Thursday night and had some good times! They went to the movie last night to see Mall Cop....Allysa LOVED it, Hannah said it was "stupid" a word we all know makes mommy freak out! Hannah spent the night again last night and the girls were laughing until late into the night as Hannah was sure someone broke into our house....it was of course Ally coming home from Kylee's house! Note I didn't say Han and Lys did anything about the burglar....on the contrary, Hannah jumped into bed with Allysa scared and they both hid under the covers!!!! Nice security system we've got huh? We got a good laugh out of that this morning. Ally went to hang out with her Bestie Kylee for a bit and life was good.

Today was the Cougar Classic 8th Grade Boys Basketball tournament at Northridge and Allysa and Hannah both had to cheer. It was a little rough when the alarm went off at 6:32 this morning....first time we'd heard that since Tuesday! Both girls we're up looking fabulous and on time by 8:30 at school. Cougars did an awesome job and won the first game by 40ish points~! Lizzie and Papa made it for the game....Ally wasn't ready to wake up from break yet! In between games Lys had gymnastics so Hannah and I sat and watched that before we all rushed back for the championship game where the Cougars met their match....defeated ultimately by 5.

Tonight Lizzie had hoped to have a friend spend the night. It didn't work out this time, but we'll try again soon. She's baking us cupcakes as I write.....I'll be getting one of those before the night is done!

Joey came over for movies and its been laughter all night long. I love nights where we're all just home and together. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to get them out of my hair occasionally, but most days I say the more the merrier. I love my kids, I love their friends, and I love having them all here. There is never a dull moment and I know where they are and that they are safe.

We are definitely a house of laughter....we laugh at each other all the time! We are the first people to make fun of each other, but always in love. If you can't laugh at yourself....who can you laugh at??? We are also first and foremost, a house of love. The girls know if we say no....there's a reason, and mostly its because we love them. They may not be happy in the beginning....but they know ultimately they are loved.

What makes you laugh? Laughter means love in our house. What is your source of love and laughter?

Sick of being Sick................

To tired to blog. Our week was full of dr's visits and trips to the hospital. Ally is having problems keeping anything more than dry toast and white rice down, she had an ultrasound on Wednesday of her gall bladder and will have a hydascan next week to see if it is functioning at all. Allysa saw the Dr. today and was checked for diabetes, thryroid issues and anemia. We should know early next week if anything significant comes of those tests. It stresses me when my kids are sick. I can't do anything about it. I'm the mom, I'm supposed to fix all their booboos.....and yet at moments like these I have to just leave it all in the dr's hands and of course ultimately in gods hands, he is the ultimate healer.

Maybe once everyone is back in their routine, and back to school....(it feels like we've been on break again!) I'll get my mojo back....til then, stay warm.

Judge not.....

Why do we insist on judging people in life? It might not be intentional, and you might not even realize you are judging, but when you just automatically decide you do or don't like someone based on their name, their age, their parents or their address.....you are judging them unfairly.

There is a boy who likes one of our daughters. He's older than her and due to his age Ryan is hearing nothing of it. The problem is, I've gotten past the age, gotten to know this boy, asked plenty of responsible adults about him, talked with coaches about him, he is a good kid that is very well thought of by all those I've talked to. I'm told he comes from a really nice family. He's an athlete, never been in trouble, is very polite and just an all around nice boy. He also happens to be the same age as a boy this same daughter dated for quite some time.....so whats the problem???? Well the other boy was closer to her grade than this new boy is, so Ryan won't even get to know him. I also happen to know there are several boys in her own grade that I wouldn't even consider letting her walk through our front door, they are mouthy, inconsiderate and hang around with not so nice people....but with his rationale, it would be fine because they are her age. Whats really sad to me is Ryan is so stuck in his thinking, he won't even give this boy a chance. He's missing out on getting to know a really great charger athlete. He's missing out on part of his daughters life because she won't even mention this boys name around him for the most part.....and its not because she's not talking to the boy....it's because she's not sharing this part of her life with him because he acts so impossible when this name is mentioned. He's acting like a child pouting because he's not getting his way. And then of course, I'm the bad parent because I would even entertain this situation. I've allowed the texting, the phone calls, I've allowed him to come over....where, I might add...he was in my sight the entire time! Again, polite, makes conversation, thanks me for feeding him, he's a nice kid.

I'm not really sure where I'll get on this situation with Papa.....but I really wish he could see how his judging others is affecting his life....his attitude towards a generally great kid, his relationship with his daughter, with his wife, the way his other daughters are seeing him act so perhaps they too will shelter portions of their life from him.

This situation also really made me think and wonder if their are people in my life that I'm judging, things that I'm not doing or people I'm not getting to know because of preconceived notions. I'll be praying about this for a while I'm sure.

Are their people or situations in your life you are judging? The bible tells us to judge not, lest ye be judged. If only living biblical was as easy as judging others.

Life Happens

Today was one of those days.....well at least if your a parent, you'll understand what I'm talking about. Lizzie had to cheer at a future Chargers game this morning at 9am, so we were all up at 7:30 getting ready. After future Chargers, Allysa had gymnastics.....she belongs to a club in Lafayette so that was a bit of a slippery drive today. After that we went dress shopping, the Winter Formal is coming up for Northridge so we are on the lookout for that "perfect" dress! Of course Prom is only a few months away for Allyson so we picked up several Prom magazines for her from the dress shops as well. In the mean time while we were at gymnastics, Ryan went to South for the JV portion of The Sugar Creek Classic and kept stats. We all made it home by around 4pm for a couple of hours home before heading back out to South for the final game of the Sugar Creek Classic, again for Ryan to keep stats, Allyson is a manager for basketball and Allysa babysits some coaches kids during the game so adults can try and concentrate on the game! We finally got home about 9:55 tonight after an entirely full day of running from one kid event to the next.....and I wouldn't have it any other way!

I love being entirely active with my kids lives. Don't get me wrong, I do have my own life also, I love my flock group from church, I love having lunch with my girlfriends and I'm always up for a quick trip to the scrapbook store with the girls, but I LOVE being busy with kid things!!! I love being room mom for Lizzie's class, as I see my older girls now in high school and middle school, its really cool to have seen all of these kids grow up.

From the time I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a mom. I babysat all the time once I was old enough and I worked in pediatrics when I first became a dental assistant. Most people know I became a mom at a way to young age, and while I certainly don't advocate it for anyone, I have been more than blessed to make it work, most girls aren't as fortunate as I've been. I love being a mom. I would have another child tomorrow if my girls and Ryan would only give in!!! NO MOM...they are all yelling right now! I have always said I would be more than willing to be a surrogate for someone because I can't imagine not knowing the joy of having kids. I would love to be foster parents and help older kids who are usually harder to place. Get the common theme.....I love kids.

So while I say....."it was one of those days!" I mean it was one of those, crazy scheduled, every kid we have had something, both parents going multiple directions.....and LOVING every minute of it kind of day!

What kind of day did you have?

Old Dog.....no new tricks

We are a dog family......3 dogs. Two chocolate labs, and a long haired dachshund. Birdie is our first and oldest lab, she's our pound puppy. Bogey is our 3 year old lab and we call him the smartst dumb dog we know.....sweet lovable boy who is 90lbs of sheer puppy! Bear is our youngest guy, he's a 2 year old with an attitude, he loves our family of 5...but no one else!

During Winter Break, the girls and I went to see Marley and Me. Great movie, however I should warn you, if you've not seen it........SAD ending! As we are watching this movie play out and can hear the entire theater sniffing through tears, I'm thinking to myself, this was not the greatest of movies to bring three girls with a very aged Lab at home! Best laid plans :( Little did I know how poignant that would be.

So.....Birdie has been coughing a lot lately and we'd constantly joked that she thinks she's a cat....coughing up fur balls all the time. She kept getting worse though so Ryan and I finally decided we should call the vet, both thinking we'd feel terrible if there was really something wrong and we'd ignored it. Well, it turns out our old girl has cardiomyopathy, or an enlarged heart. Really enlarged. Our vet showed me her xrays and I was shocked....(not that I know what size a dogs heart is supposed to be....but it was really big!) She also already has fluid build up in her lung, causing her to breath extra hard and also causing her heart to race. Long way to say.....our girls not gonna be with us much longer. WOW......we thought she acted like a cat, and she has a heart problem. I was comforted that Mary Lou told me big dogs have a shorter life span....typically 10-14 years, and for labs usually around 12 years, our sweet girl will be 12 in may and it doesn't sound like she's gonna make it to her birthday. Ryan was so worried when I txted him "cardiomyopathy....need an xray and EKG" that he showed up at the vets office just to hang with our girl while we waited. The xray showed such an enlargement there was no need for the EKG. Ryan mustered the courage to ask what we do and what this means for birdie. Marylou put her on a diuretic to get some fluid off of her lungs which will hopefully calm her heart rate down. However, the sad news is that this is all really just a comfort measure for Birdie. Dogs with cardiomyopathy typically only live a few months. There it was.....the time frame. Ryan was heartbroken. At some point I asked Marylou if we needed to prepare our girls and she said that was definitely a conversation we should have....sooner rather than later. It was like a blow to the heart. She's our sweet birdie girl.....she's one of the family. No, not that we thought she was gonna live forever....OK well actually Allysa says Birdie IS going to live forever, but it seems like just yesterday we found her at the Animal Welfare League. She's the first dog we owned, shes the most behaved dog we own. She's the mama of the bunch, she looks at Bogey as though he's the big goof that he is and she lets bear run all over her, chew on her ears and just generally play like the complete puppy he is.

One by one I talked with the girls last night, they all knew she was going to the vet so they each asked about her appointment as they saw me. I very cautiously told everyone we were keeping her comfortable and happy, but most likely we won't have Birdie for her 12th birthday. Needless to say they were all very sad, Allyson however took it the worst (as we assumed would be the case.) As one point Ally was laying on the floor with birdie, rubbing her belly and wiping away her own tears at the same time.....it was heartbreaking. Lizzie said "who thought you could die from having too big of a heart, the grinches heart was two sizes to small!" WOW.

Birdie will be the first pet we've lost. Luckily not the first loss my girls have experienced as in the past few years we've lost several family members, grandparents included. I still expect this will be like losing a member of our family.....she's our youngest child.

So, god gave us a plan, I definitely think it was all a god thing deciding to take her to the vet, it was his way of preparing us for the inevitable. His way of making sure we didn't just find her one morning and not have had any idea this was coming. He is just and fair god and he has allowed us to prepare our kids for sucha time as this.

What is god trying to prepare you for? Will the message come in a movie, in an email or in your daily devotional? Pray daily for an open heart an open ears to receive messages such as this. God is good.

Living the righteous life is hard.......

So, I can think of nowhere in the bible that it tells me being the good and faithful servant was gonna be easy. As a matter of fact, I can think of several instances in the bible where you had to be faithful for a long long time......but the rewards were great. So why is it I'm surprised when my week has been so difficult the instant I feel so challenged to be the submissive wife.

Honestly.......I love my husband, I do.....but he really knows how to push my buttons! I'm sure I push his in my own time also, but he hasn't just publicly professed to work hard towards submissiveness!!! It's always the little things too. I really wish it was as simple as coming to the point of realization....you know,the point where I said.....I know I need to submit to husband just as he submits to Christ.....and voila! I'm submissive.

OK, so I know in the real world this doesn't happen, but it really would be nice. We are such a world of instant gratification, and its not that I don't want to have to work for the goal.....I just don't want to feel sabotaged along the way.

I already know in my mind it's gonna be hard. I'm not wired to be a follower.....leader all the way. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for team work......but guess who wants to be the teamleader! Couple that with the fact that I've worked in management for several years and have also been a consultant (you know, the person they hire to tell you how to get things done right!) for the past several years and it's stress waiting to happen! Add to all of this that I am now staying home with the girls and because of being downsized I feel like I'm not home on my own terms. I don't feel like I'm contributing to our family.....at least not in the same manor that I'm accustomed to. Don't get me wrong.... I LOVE being home, it is pure joy to me taking my kids to school, picking them up after.....runs to school for misc things throughout the day.....these things really do thrill me, again, it just didn't happen on my terms. So this week, I'm trying to adjust to kids being back to school.....feeling like I'm not contributing, AND struggling with submissiveness. God....help me. I know you will, and I know I have to just be faithful always and the blessings will come in your time and your way.

I guess I'm just gonna have to pray hard along the way because its painfully clear it is not gonna be easy.

What do you need to pray about to attain your reward? Sometimes the easiest thing to do is the one most forgotten.....praying diligently.

Wives submit to your husbands.....

During church today Pastor Phil gave the sermon. First let me say that Pastor Phil is normally our worship leader and I LOVE his worship services! He's got an incredible voice and keeps our worship team current and rockin! I am always moved by his "message". Today however, Pastor Jeff led worship (he's our youth pastor!) and Pastor Phil gave the message, Pastor Terry, our head Pastor was in the house but as a parishioner today......he did give funny color commentary through out the whole thing though, it was quite a show today! God was so present though, it was awesome!!!

Part of today's message addressed men being the head of their households. Of course this was a funny moment as there were jokes back and forth about "men you ARE the head of your households!" right???.....another pastor joked "yep, I asked my wife and she said I was!" He really impressed upon the men and weighed heavy that the bible directs them to be the heads of their households and talked about how men act can directly affect how their family acts. If your kids see you make ungodly decisions in your life, they to will grow up to make ungodly decisions and it falls on your shoulders as the head of your family. This was very convicting to me. I've really tried in the past year to "submit to my husband" as the bible directs. I REALLY want to do as directed. I really want Ryan to be the head of our household and our family to follow his lead...not only the girls, but myself included. Ryan has really taken this on in the last year, not that he's not always been "in charge" but he's really taken the biblical meaning of it all and worked to give the girls that direction. So.....why is it so hard for ME to submit????? My husband is a very smart man, he's funny, and very loving. He spoils me and surprises me often. It's not him....it's ME. I am a headstrong woman. I'm not a feminist by any stretch of the imagination. I just forget to "submit"! While I love family, I am ridiculously independent. The girls ask if they can do something......and typically I just answer. It really never occurs to me to say "go ask papa" unless its life altering! When Ryan does act as the head of our household....and we disagree on things, I feel as though my parenting skills are under fire while honestly I really know that we are just two very different people with very different ways of parenting. I'm pretty easy going, Ryan is very strict, partly I believe because we have all girls.....he's now a dad who remembers what it was like to be a 14 year old boy, I constantly have to remind him that he needs to quit thinking all boys act badly, he constantly tells me I need to start thinking all boys do act badly! In the long run, I think I could certainly be more strict and he too could be more lenient. But again, if I am to submit as the Bible directs, I need to work on this!

Bottom line, we both want to live godly lives. We pray daily asking god to help us become more like him and to make us be better examples to others in living for him. In doing so, I will now also be praying daily for gods help for Ryan as he works to be the leader of our household, and for myself to willingly submit to my husband, just as he willingly submits to god.

Pastor Phil really inspired me today, got me energized, convicted me and opened my eyes to the things I've not been doing in my life for Christ. 2009 is full of promise and is our year to make choices.

What do you want chasing you this year? I'm praying for blessings and choosing each morning to live for god.

The Playoffs are over......

At least in the Walke household they are! Nice boring day here today. Ally had bball practice, the other girls slept til some ridiculous hour again today and I didnt leave the house except to run kids here or there....didn't leave the car though, stayed in my sweats playing delivery mom!

Ryan and I are excited our flock group is meeting tomorrow night for the first time in a month! This is our small group at church and we really love these people, they truly are extended family god blessed us with! I know december is a crazy month for everyone, but I've really felt "off" not having this weekly group to meet with.

Ryan, Lizzie just finished watching the Colt's lose to the Chargers officials.....yep, I'm a sore loser, especially when I feel like we got beat by officials and not the opposition! The chargers always seem to be our biggest rivalry each year, and a tough opponent no doubt....I'm still a sore loser! Ryan just loudly announced there was no longer a reason to watch the playoffs....at least not in this house! So, not sure we'll be hosting a Super Bowl party this year......I'm sure he'll cool off, we just wont have a vested interest! And to make matters worse, Allyson is a Bears fan, so we're not gonna hear the end of this from her for a while!

So, from our family to yours, hope your playoff dreams are still alive.....we're out!

P

Choose your battles....

Today I took my oldest daughter to get her first (and I would love to think ONLY) tattoo. Yep, I said Tattoo. This has been quite a debate amongst my friends and family. Ally has heard every argument for and against since she brought this request to us approximately 6 months ago. Now....mind you, I have a tattoo, I'm not against them, my only request has been that it be modest, tasteful, and in an area where I do not have to look at it every day. I don't want it hindering her job search later in life, I don't want people pre-judging her because they can see a tattoo without getting to know her fabulous self, and honestly I don't want to see if in prom pictures, college socials, graduations and last but hopefully not least....her wedding day!

Allyson is our smart easy kid. She's graduating with an honors diploma, she's active in church, she is a student leader in NMHS's PEERS, a teen abstinence program and she's the Editor-In-Chief of the school yearbook. She doesn't talk back, she has an open mind to pretty much anything someone suggests (as long as it's legal!) and she's really just a sweet person. She's that kid in school that literally everyone likes. She stands up for her beliefs and professes her love for god to her peers, she challenges people who talk poorly or are judgemental of others, her teachers love her and her college recommendation letters have brought me to tears. OK, so I know I'm mom and I'm obviously partial, but I'm really just printing what everyone else would about her also, she really is a good kid. So this tattoo was really just one of those pick your battles thing for us as parents.

Back in the fall, I asked Ally to consider participating in the Jr. Miss Scholarship program. Now let me tell you, this is incredibly out of Ally's comfort zone, she's our guitar playing, Chuck Taylor wearing, uncoordinated girl. And without batting an eye she said to me "OK". That's how easy she is, I suggested it and she agreed. I just love that she is open to trying new things even if it involves getting out of her comfort zone. After the first meeting, Ally came home and said there is NO way I can do that......they can say its not a pageant all they want, but it is, there is dancing, a fitness program and talent....it's a pageant! So we discussed it more and finally.....I bribed her! Yep, bribed....not ashamed to admit it, and her request was the tattoo. I could have gotten off far worse, I was willing to pay big bucks to get her to do this, I really felt strongly it was something she would enjoy if she could just get past the dancing! And she did, and she did an awesome job. She played guitar and sang publicly for the first time ever.....she's played guitar for six years!!!! So many people came to me and complimented her vocal and musical talents, and most had no clue she could even sing or play let alone was so talented! Better yet, she was glad she did it, not just for the tattoo....she knows I'd have given in to that eventually anyway, but because she really came out of her shell and put her talents to use. I am so glad I choose my battle. In the grand scheme of life, this was minor and worth the price.

When Allyson was little, she was my little toe headed blond, with long curly hair, in pink dresses and bows all the time, never would I have imagined my sweet girl to grow up and play guitar, wear chuck Taylor's, typically have pink highlights in her hair and a tattoo, but she does, and she's one of the most amazing people you'll ever meet, just ask her friends. In 8 short months our sweet girl heads off to college and right now we don't know if that will be New York, Connecticut, Georgia, Illinois or Indiana, but wherever she lands, I'm glad for the battles I've chosen in life, she's a pretty spectacular person.

What battles do you fight needlessly in your life? Sometimes giving in to the easy things will reap you a far greater payoff in the end.

Deal......or No Deal?

So Ryan and I just finished watching the super spectacular extra special New Years Day edition with the extra fabulous bonus case 2009 of Deal or No Deal. This is always a stressful thing for us to watch together and I've always wondered why. It occurred to me tonight as we debated back and forth on what to do, why to do it and who would be our "3"if we were ever on the show, you know.....the three people you get to take "on stage" with you when you play. Usually friends, family member, co-worker, people who know you well, know the risks you do or don't take in your life, know what money would do or mean for you....and why.

So what you need to know about Ryan and I to begin with is that we are game show junkies. Really, contests in general. We were both athletes in school, we are very competitive in nature, Ryan has coached our children's teams, we have taught them sports that we can play together as well as interests of their own. We all golf, our dogs all have golf related names, I gave Ryan and Lizzie both tennis racquet's for Christmas as Lizzie wants to take tennis lessons and Ryan played (as was pretty good!) in high school. We LOVE sports. We love all aspects of sports, we love to WIN! As a matter of fact, we're all pretty poor sports if we lose. Never to our opponents, we give credit where credit is due, but we use that loss to improve upon ourselves! Ryan and I have won concert tickets on radio show contests, we have won gift certificates from story writing contests, we have won weekends away in work contests, I suppose you could say we have both won pretty prestigious awards in our jobs just because the challenge was set before us....we love contests! I qualified for the first round of Jeopardy a few years back and unfortunately mothers intuition took over and one of the girls had something the weekend I had to go to Chicago for the second round of try-outs........bummer.....we LOVE Jeopardy. We joke we are both filled with useless knowledge that's why we know all these completely random things we can answer!

So.....long winded way to get back to Deal or No Deal......Ryan is a huge risk taker. I on the other hand am the safe one. The older I get, the less I like change.....which is interesting considering I have been a consultant for multiple years and am constantly telling people how and why to change! So.....tonight, when the gal was offered 97,000.00 and had to choose three cases still...I said TAKE THE MONEY!!! Ryan however rationalized that there was no way she would wipe out all three of the large amounts remaining in the next three choices....something about the odds of that happening.....statistically speaking....blah, blah, blah!!! I was having no part of it. I rationalized that even if she didn't choose those numbers, that was a lot of cash and there was no need to be greedy. Ryan didn't feel it was greedy at that point, rather not the worst case scenario in the game. OMG.......this man can rationalize until I am blue in the face....he's so stinking smart it drives me nuts!!! So needless to say, she did not wipe out all three big numbers at that point, however, she did go on to turn down even larger amounts and continue to dwindle her chances of leaving with anything. Thus ensued a crazy game of Ryan rationalizing at what point she should stop and me just continually reminding him I was happy with the 97K I had already taken. Suffice to say, because she opened the proper combination of cases she won a guaranteed 10K, and then because she continued to the very last cases (turning down crazy amounts of money I might add) she won the super duper special addition 2009 case also which had a car inside and down to the wire her case indeed had 100K in it. So....she ended up total with cash a prizes of 155K.....and while that is 55K more than I had, my blood pressure was in better shape than hers, I am sure of it!!!

It made me again revisit just how truly polar opposites Ryan and I are. It's true what they say....opposites do attract, and I think that's a good thing. We compliment each other so well. I am conservative, probably to conservative at times, Ryan on the other hand is a risk taker....a calculated risk taker, full of probabilities and statistics, but a risk taker non the less. We are good for each other. I keep him safe and he keeps me adventurous. It's quite the balancing act and god knew just what he was doing when he gave us each other. Much like the deal or no deal, we bounce everything off of each other, work, family, crisis. He gets me out of my comfort zone, and I calm him down. I thank god each time I think about how different we are. What differences do you and your spouse share that compliment each other so well? Thank God for those today.